the art of submission.

Dominatrixes as life coaches: Gains to be made from submission

The average person, out of curiosity will click on this post just because of the title. Others, perhaps see the word “submit” and run the opposite direction. So what is submission exactly? Submission is defined as the action or fact of accepting or yielding to a superior force or to the will or authority of another person.

Naturally in relationships, men are head of the household. Naturally, men feel an inclination to lead their families, and although it has become common for women to carry their families, the majority of men are still the breadwinners. I’ve always been very strong willed and self sufficient up until I crossed over into the crazy world of property management. I promise you, this story aligns eventually.

I got my foot in the door by starting off as a leasing agent for a small, but growing company. It was a smooth ride in the beginning as I focused mostly on giving tours of the property to prospective tenants, building rapport with current residents, and leasing my vacant units. One month later, I was facing a totally new reality after being promoted to property manager. I was excited to be granted the opportunity, and in the blink of an eye, I was in my own office ALONE…meeting new faces both welcoming and unwelcoming. If you’ve ever worked in the industry, you know how unpredictable it can be from day to day.

Over the course of weeks, the workload became increasingly heavy and I had a bulk of new responsibilities on top of what I’d already been doing. Juggling between leasing, budgeting, and managing was a daily challenge, and I soon found out that everything wasn’t as it was chalked up to be. No one ever warned me that I would spend so much time speaking to law enforcement because of domestic disputes. I didn’t know how hard it would be to evict tenants that I’d grown to love. I didn’t realize how draining it would be managing other employees and contractors who had a tendency to be incompetent. I never even imagined being a mediator in random relationships, a lifeguard, a confidant, and a 24/7 security guard.

Before i knew it, I was a boss bitch making life changing decisions and I was completely over it. I loathed going home, because even then I still felt obligated to monitor everything that was taking place on my property. Yes, I lived on site and because of that I could never turn work completely off. Sometimes I would toss and turn at all after having to deny an applicant because their background check didn’t come back clean or they didn’t meet income requirements. The only relief that I felt was when I talked to my partner about my daily stress and trouble. He was amazing at calming me down and keeping me aligned mentally. It was in these moments that I learned the true meaning of submission, and how much I needed it in my life.

1. Sometimes, it comes natural. Being a Cancer, I am naturally a submissive woman. It goes hand in hand for me. I am in no way, shape or form a dominant person. I’m very gentle, compassionate, and maternal. I will also avoid conflict at all cost and I advocate for peace. Like most women, I desire a man who can take control. I didn’t want to come home after work to make even more decisions. I didn’t want to make a decision on what I’d be cooking that evening. I most certainly didn’t want to deal with a man who didn’t have it all planned out. There’s no greater feeling than willfully submitting to a man who can lead us without needing my direction. Yes, I want you to already have chosen what we’ll eat for dinner. Even if that means we’ll be going out. Yes, I want you to finish cleaning what I was too exhausted to complete. And yes, I want you to choose the movie.

2. Sexual Submission. It’s probably no shock, that I don’t have many limits in the bedroom. I’ll try anything once and I love having a dominant male take control of me. I’m also very lazy, and being submissive means that I don’t have to be a cowgirl, EVER. I have enjoyed other energy-draining activities like BDSM and I’ve incorporated it into my routine. Being in control is just not for me, and I recognized this the first time that my partner gave me my very first order. I slipped on a cute lingerie set, had a few glasses of wine and waited for his arrival. Once he came into the bedroom, the first thing he said to me was “Take that off.” and kissed my shoulder. I remember thinking, “what the hell, what man doesn’t like lingerie?” But, I removed it anyhow. As time passed, our sexual relationship took a turn and although I wasn’t accustomed to this, I embraced it, andeven today I haven’t been able to return to vanilla sex.

I transitioned very easily into submission due to my love language being acts of service. On a night out, I’m the one looking out for the other girls. I’ll be the one driving the inebriated, and watching their drinks. On Thanksgiving, I’ll choose a seat with open access just in case I need to go and grab a dinner roll for someone who forgot to grab one. If we’re traveling and stop for fast food, I’ll be the one serving food to the driver so they can focus on the road. I generally just enjoy serving in every capacity and I receive fulfillment from doing so.

It’s important for the two of you to have a high level of trust and to respect each other’s limitations. During your exploration you may discover that you have very hard limits and you may even discover that you can be both submissive and dominant. What works for one couple may not work for you, and not all women are submissive 24/7 as I have been. Choosing to be submissive doesn’t make you any less of a human being, or unworthy of having a voice. You still have the power to walk away if the dynamic changes to one that you are no longer comfortable with. Please remember that at the end of the day you still have feelings and you aren’t a doormat. Submission should make you feel empowered, not inferior and it should ALWAYS be consensual. There’s a thin line between dominance and abuse. BEWARE OF RED FLAGS!

  1. A continuous violation of boundaries: You should only have to communicate to your partner that you are uncomfortable with something one time only. Any partner that feels the need to continue violating your boundaries after you’ve expressed discomfort should be left alone completely.
  2. No safe words: If your partner doesn’t respect or “allow” you to use safe words during sex, this is a clear form of abuse. Everyone has hard limits and you’re entitled to each of them, no questions asked.
  3. They’re sadistic: Now, don’t confuse the two. There are individuals who regularly practice sadism with a consenting partner, but this is different from a dominant/submissive dynamic. If you haven’t consented to receiving pain, your partner shouldn’t be inflicting any on you whatsoever.
  4. They’re controlling and selfish: A person faking a dominant lifestyle will be controlling from the jump and it will grow increasingly worse. A fake dominant partner will attempt to control every aspect of you and they won’t care anything about you besides what you can offer them sexually. A lot of abusers wear a dominant title to cover up their true intentions.

I want to highlight that entreprenuers, too experience this feeling. I can openly admit that I’ve always been a horrible employee. I don’t like authority, following rules, and low quality work. When I don’t like the way a company’s process works, I contact corporate with suggestions. I hate restrictions, and I absolutely despise being micro-managed. I’ve had this feeling for years, and I often speak with my grandma regarding my reservations on things. She always says “I don’t even know why you work those types of jobs. You always have something to say.” The “why” never really dawned on me though. After publishing my first book and earning royalties from it, I recognized how easy it is to just work for myself and generate my own income. I have every intention of growing my blog, shaking my fear of pursuing photography, and publishing my second book.

With this, I know that like alot of entreprenuers, the partner for me will have to be one who is understanding, alleviates the burden, and gives space when needed. Even being dominant in my daily life, I need submission to balance me out at the end of the day.

So what type are you? Submissive or Dominant? Leave your answer in the comments below, and be sure to subscribe for updates!